Today I had a moment of eureka or something like that
Why do we always stress over stuff ??
For the past two months, I have been going crazy. I am stressed over so much stuff
Let me list a few:
Job: Would I ever get a graduate job...I haven’t graduate yet but I am stressed what happens if I don’t get one...Would I just be at home all day...I hate being idle?
Life Partner: Would I end up alone all the days of my life...I recently just broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years and it doesn’t really help that I am at that age where my parents keep on reminding me not to be left behind on the shelf... More than often I find myself wondering about whom my future husband will be or am I doomed to end up alone
Religious Life: Would I ever have a close relationship with God. It doesn’t not help that all my friends are like firebrand Christians...When I compare myself to my friend I feel like the worst Christian ever. My friends going to prayer meetings and fellowship bi-weekly and they all observe daily devotion and they go to church every Sunday. Whilst me on the other hand I struggle to read my bible once a week and going to church every Sunday is hard
My Family: I come from a polygamous family and we are not exactly keen on showing emotions...Whilst me on the other hand I am the neediest and attention seeking child ever. I like to be reminded at least once a month that I am loved by my family but trust me it doesn’t happen. My day told me sometime a year ago that he loved me and I swear I still have that text message. I even printed it out and hang it over my desk because God knows the next time he is going to tell me that
Friends: I have no friends, as in zero and I am finding myself worrying when I get married who are going to be my guests or who would be on my bridal train if I have no friends. As a result I find myself hanging on to stupid and blood sucking friends. All in the name of trying to gather friends
Career: One of the reasons me and my ex didn’t work put was because he thought I was too driven. If you come from a polygamous family then you will understand my plight...We all used to dance to whatever tune my dad played...If my mom and dad were fighting, he could decide that he wasn’t going to give us school fees money and thankfully my mother had businesses on the side he didn’t know about so she was able to support and provide every time he started his wahala.. My mother always taught me from birth no to depend on any man and too always work for myself and I guess this has affected all my relationships. Because I find it hard to let go and let any man take the reins...I don’t know am I being too driven or sensible...Someone please help
Future: I don’t know what I want to do with my future honestly. I am currently doing masters in EEE but I am not too sure that I wanted to do EEE. I only did it because everyone said if you doing a degree in EEE you can do anything.
Weight: I worry a lot about my weight. I was born with wide hips and thick/thunder thighs. It does not help that the current trend is stick thin girls. I find myself wondering why will anyhow pick me over a lepa. I know that no matter how much I visit the gym my hips will still remain the same...What is a girl to do now?
If I were to list everything all the things I bothered about you would think this girl is just foolish. It is also funny how most of the things I am thinking about are very shallow. People are thinking of where their next meal is going to come for and I here I am thinking of nonsense but to each his own..
After listing all my faults I came to the decision that I am just going to live in the moment. If I was to seriously think about all these things I listed above, I will kill myself with worry and would not achieve anything in my life... I am just going to love myself and live life to the fullest...At least if I were to die I would know I live a fulfilled life and I loved myself even if no one did as opposed to living a miserable and forever moaning life. Why stress myself over things I do not have the power to change...I am going to work hard and hopefully the career and job will work out. I am going to go with the flow and move closer to God, I can’t guarantee that I will pray every day but I doubt God will love me less if I miss one day of prayer.. Body wise I am going to just revel in the body that has given me after all one man’s poison is another man’s gold. I am going to love myself and live life I can’t force family or anyone to love me but I sure as hell can love myself
I read a book that really helped as well; it was titled the Lady, her lover and her lord by T.D. Jakes. I think everywoman should read this book at least once in their lifetime. I have a spare copy so if anyone is interested I don’t mind posting it out as long as you are in the UK, posting anywhere else is long o.if I am in a good mood I just might.
There rant over..Life goes on J